Sunday, January 30, 2011

A prelude to the food-gasm that awaits

  It all started with a troll turned yooper and a dream to eat himself retardedly full. I am that yooper and that is my dream. I am currently enrolled in a college writing class in which we were assigned to create a blog and write about something worthy of reading. I initially couldn't think of anything worthy to write about, but a few moments of brainstorming and a chicken nugget later, I had found my muse.
   I can safely say that I am not a fan of reality t.v.. I found that after many Springer marathons, that my emotional "give a damn meter" has been permanently stuck on zero. I know that I should care about Flava Flav's new clock necklace and what young harlot is getting axed this week on the bachelor, but I can't do it. I can not let my brain be turned to white fluffy marshmallow like the rest of our country. And then came Man vs. Food. I had never really understood what it was to be an American Hero until I watched the first few episodes of this show. I was awestruck. Soldiers, doctors and athletes be damned; this guy is the new face of heroism in our great country. A modern day Hulk Hogan for the common man.
   Now the premise of this show is simple. One food related challenge and a battle to test his soul. The host travels around the country in search of the most challenging meals. Whether it is the hottest wings in the world or an eleven pound pizza, this guy faces them all. Like watching Ali dismantle boxer after boxer, this guy eats and eats. The only difference is that he can not float like a butterfly when he is done.
   So what is my read worthy idea for a blog you ask? It is this. My friend Nick and I will travel  our local pubs, bars, and restaurants to find the most difficult food/eating related challenges and best them all. We will be kings among men. Granted we will be bloated, slow, sleepy kings; but kings none the less. And once we have vanquished all challengers in our way, we will expand across the whole of Michigan's Upper Peninsula to find the each challenge and continue the fight for the good of all man kind. Having the burden of updating the blog twice a week, will also offer another gem for the thralls of fans I will have by the end of this adventure. The first blog each week will be about the challenge itself and the details of our fight. The second, will simply be the after affect of the meal. I have no disillusion that this will be easy by any means. I promise to honestly, yet tactfully, fill you in on how i feel after completing my challenges. And I also can promise you one more thing; this is NOT going to be pretty.
Here we go!

p.s. I guess soldiers, doctors, and athletes are just as good, if not better than the aforementioned televisions host. I just got lost in the moment.